My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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