so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
