dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Someone shattered a urinal.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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