Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
