well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
