Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
