so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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