I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
