who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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