she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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