Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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