dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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