i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
