The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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