census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
