I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
