Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
