Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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