Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
