State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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