He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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