foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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