Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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