the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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