WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
