Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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