i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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