just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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