Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize