My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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