cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
