Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
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I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
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It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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