I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
