K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
