Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
