yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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