hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
