You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
