the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
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I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
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I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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