she looked like the bat from fern gully.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
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So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
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I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
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