Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
