So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
