my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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