I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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