you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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