Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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