the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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