dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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