My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
