then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
