Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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