I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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