somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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