Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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