cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
