The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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