Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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