he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
