literally had 100 drinks last night.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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