he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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