I want to make a zoo with you.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
