I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
