Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
