yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
In America we eat man semen.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
