im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
