Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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