I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
