Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
