Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
