toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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