So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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